Your inner child is healing when:
You’re able to self soothe in situations that would previously lead you to ruminate on things that were out of your control.
It is very common for trauma survivors to constantly question themselves. This initially starts off as a protective mechanism.
Did I make a mistake? Am I going to get into trouble? Do they still like me if I ask for what I need? Will they still want to hang out with me if I choose where to meet this time? These are examples of ruminating thoughts that can take over when a wounded part of ourself takes over. Perhaps a part that is young, that learned to take responsibility for way too much. This is common in households where the child learns that by keeping the peace in someway, they secure safety. The child often also feels overly responsible for others well being.
When parts work is applied here, so much healing can occur! When the adult self can take a step back and look at these ruminating thoughts, it leaves room for curiosity. For instance, how old does this ruminating thought feel? Will I really get in trouble today, as an adult, if I ask for what I need? When the answer is no, it gives us the opportunity to then “reparent” and comfort the wounded part of ourself that is scared/fearful/anxious/stuck in the trauma.
I have witnessed, as a trauma therapist, how the continual practice of this leads to tremendous growth and healing. Your inner child is healing when you’re able to self soothe in situations that would previously lead you to ruminate on things that were out of your control.
Healing is possible
Your inner child is healing when:
You are no longer needing to protect yourself in isolation. When you start to seek intimacy and connection instead.
Your inner child is healing when you are no longer needing to hide in isolation. Keeping to oneself is a form of protection, one that may have been crucial for survival. Perhaps at one point, being alone was the only way younger parts felt safe. For some, it was the only time they weren’t abused.
When parts of yourself start to heal, you may find yourself wanting to find more connections. The feeling of being seen isn’t a threat anymore. Being around people is now something possible and even desired.
Healing is possible
Your inner child is healing when:
Relationships feel like a choice, not an obligation.
Your inner child is healing when relationships feels like a choice, not an obligation. There are times in which survivors feel like they need to maintain contact with those who have abused them. Or perhaps due to family pressure, some may feel like they still need to be around toxic people that make them feel unsafe or uncomfortable. This is a trauma response.
You are allowed to choose who you surround yourself with. Relationships shouldn’t be obligatory.
It is okay to surround yourself with those you feel seen and heard by.
Healing is possible
Your inner child is healing when:
When you know your worth and don’t need others approval anymore.
Period.
Your inner child is healing when:
You make space for your needs.
Some survivors have a difficult time in giving themselves permission to to think about what their needs and wants are. Some were never given the opportunity to have space for their needs. Their needs were always on the back burner. Some have received the messaging that having needs equates to being selfish. As a result, taking time to pay attention to emotional or physical needs feels “wrong.” An added challenge to this is if it wasn’t modeled or reinforced by loving, nurturing caretakers.
For trauma survivors, securing safety as a child often involved focusing on the needs of others. Being hypervigilant, complaint, or fawning are all ways to stay safe. Therefore, the decision to focus inward can feel uncomfortable and even foreign.
Whatever the case may be, your inner child gets to heal every time you make space for your needs. This will take practice and may even make you uncomfortable initially. Sit through this discomfort. It will pass. Do things that feel comforting, loving, and nurturing with intention. It is empowering to be able to give this to yourself, regardless of the traumas you lived through.
Over time and with practice, you will be able to take care of your needs with much more ease!
Healing is possible
