There is so much focus on survivors forgiving their abusers instead of the abuser being called out for their behavior.
If you are a trauma survivor, take the pressure of the word “forgiveness” off of you. I want to invite you to use the word “acceptance” instead. This doesn’t mean you accept the abuse. It means you can acknowledge what was done and have come to terms of the impact it had on you.
If you want to go the forgiveness route, that is in your control- you get to forgive in whatever way feels right for YOU, if and when you choose to do so. Please do not wait for the perpetrator to take accountability for their actions, as this may never happen. That’s the ugly truth. The good news is that your healing is NOT dependent on what the perpetrator does or doesn’t do. You can still heal!
Back to the word “acceptance.” ACCEPTANCE comes in different forms and is subjective.
For some, it is recognizing how the trauma has impacted you and removing the abuser from your life and letting go of the bitterness, anger, resentment, etc. associated with that person. The abuser doesn’t take up mental space in the same way anymore because you have acknowledged YOUR truth and the aftermath of it.
For some, Acceptance means no longer allowing any form of mistreatment or giving the abuser space in your present day life, because there has been acknowledgment and healing of the parts of you who went through the trauma.
For others, it may mean relieving yourself from the pain that someone projected onto you. It means you are no longer carrying their stuff.
Some work on “letting go” and feel like the past is IN in the past-it no longer takes a hold in the present.
There are so many ways to move through this. This is Subjective. So please take what applies here and leave behind what doesnt.
Regardless of what direction you go in, this is YOUR path. No one should tell you what healing should look like.
Healing is possible