The Truth About the Damage of Sexual Abuse
I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard clients share the painful messages they’ve received from family or friends: “Why can’t you just get over it?” or “It was so long ago, why is it still bothering you?”
Often these comments are not meant to be cruel-they may even come from people who care. But the reality is that these messages minimize the survivor’s pain and can actually deepen the shame, isolation, and confusion they already carry. Healing does not happen on anyone else’s timeline.
The truth is that the long-term effects of sexual abuse can be so pervasive, survivors may not even realize how deeply the abuse has woven itself into their daily lives. Abuse isn’t something that stays in the past-it often shows up in the present in subtle but powerful ways.
Here are just a few areas where sexual abuse can impact survivors in everyday life:
1. Boundaries and a Sense of Control
When someone has been violated, it affects their very sense of safety and autonomy. The world can feel unpredictable or unsafe, and survivors may struggle to trust themselves and others.
I often hear:
- “I feel dirty, ashamed, or different from everyone else.”
- “I don’t trust my own intuition.”
- “I feel like I have to be perfect to be acceptable.”
These aren’t character flaws-they’re responses to trauma.
2. Relationship With the Body
Sexual abuse happens to the body. Survivors may feel disconnected from themselves, uncomfortable in their own skin, or even detached from their physical sensations.
I often hear:
- “It feels like I’m on the outside looking in.”
- “Sometimes I don’t feel like I’m in my body at all.”
- “It’s hard for me to accept or love my body.”
This disconnection is not a weakness-it’s a survival strategy.
3. Intimacy and Sexuality
It is completely understandable that sexual abuse would impact a person’s ability to feel safe in close relationships. When touch, closeness, or desire have been paired with danger, betrayal, or fear, intimacy itself can feel threatening.
Survivors often protect themselves by numbing or disconnecting from sexual feelings-because their nervous system learned it wasn’t safe.
I often hear:
- “I’m afraid to get close to people.”
- “I keep expecting people to leave me.”
- “I test people or have trouble trusting.”
- “It’s hard for me to say no.”
These are not “relationship problems.” They are trauma responses.
Healing is Possible
These examples are just a glimpse of the many ways sexual abuse can shape a survivor’s life. Healing is not about “just getting over it.” It’s about reclaiming safety, choice, and self-compassion-at a pace that feels safe for the survivor.
Please don’t rush anyone in their healing journey. What survivors need most is patience, understanding, and the freedom to move at their own pace.
Healing is absolutely possible- I see it every single day. With the right support, survivors can reconnect with themselves, reclaim their bodies, rebuild trust, and create relationships that feel safe and nourishing.
